A handy template to help you sell that magic idea that marginally improves quality of life (but greatly improves the chance of a Facebook buyout).

By John Lopez

Your startup name: _____________________________ (MISSPELLED VERSION OF REAL WORD, ENDING IN -LY OR -IO). Have you ever wanted to ____________ (VERB) all sorts of _____________ (PLURAL NOUN) with friends, family, colleagues, or even _______________ (MINOR CELEBRITY), but didn’t know how? Maybe you were just strolling the sidewalks of __________________ (GENTRIFIED NEIGHBORHOOD) past your favorite ______________ (OBSCURE ETHNICITY) bakery when you wished you could pull out your i______________ (NOUN) and use it to quickly _______________ (VERB ENDING IN –ATE) all your latest ______________________ (TRIVIAL STUFF YOU LIKE) and post it to your ___________________ (SOCIAL MEDIA PROFILE NO ONE READS)? ____________________ (STARTUP NAME) is the answer. The fact is, we live in a world where __________________ (GERUND STARTING WITH “CROWD”) will revolutionize ________________ (FAILING INDUSTRY), and pretty soon you’ll be able to ________________ (VERB THAT IMPLIES CREATIVITY) anything you want through the cloud. All this _________________________ (NOUN FORM OF VERB ENDING IN –ATE) is already changing the way we _______________ (BORING DAILY TASK), but who has the tools to keep up with it? ____________________ (STARTUP NAME) is that tool. With our beautiful, user-friendly interface, you’ll find that managing all your ________________ (UNMANAGEABLE THING) is easier than ever — and ____________ (ADJECTIVE)! Utilizing the power of ______________________ (SLIGHTLY INTIMIDATING ACRONYM) services with all the connectivity of __________________________ (PREVIOUS STARTUP WITH RECORD-BREAKING IPO), we can help you free yourself from the tyranny of _______________ (FIRST-WORLD PROBLEM). In this rapidly _______________ (EUPHEMISTIC GERUND) world of ours, it’s hard to find the time to _______________________________ (VERB INVOLVING FACE-TO-FACE INTERACTION WITH HUMANS) or keep track of all the _______________________________________ (DATA NO ONE NEEDS TO KEEP TRACK OF EXCEPT ADVERTISERS). _______________ (STARTUP NAME) changes that. It puts the power of ______________________________ (INVASIVE, DATA-MINING GPS-BASED SERVICE) at your fingertips. ________________ (SERIOUS VERB). ________________ (FUN VERB). ________________ (VERB FORM OF STARTUP NAME).


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